https://chainsawchicken.com/2021/11/02/an-open-apology/
Hello everyone. I’m Chainsaw Chicken. Thank you all for tuning in and connecting to this message. It is my hope that the tens of thousands of you that see this message will understand and appreciate this open apology I wish to make.
Everyone here at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd, all the IT people, the advertising staff, the development people, the administrative staff, make-up and costume artists, the publicists, the executive staff all the way down to the janitorial people all believe that we are emerging into a new cultural and sociological awakening here as well as through out the country and the world.
The upper management and especially myself have wondered how we might better join in this brave new world of wokeness and awareness to better exemplify, and more importantly apply these concerns to Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd.
We took a long look at past postings and realized a fact we had not been aware of. This fact was later brought to our attention after complaints to the HR department. It became obvious that we needed to change things.
We brought in outside advisors and their conclusions matched what others have pointed out. Here now are the results of the study.
We learned that 87% of the sarcasm and 67% of the cynicism of our web site is directed directly or indirectly towards yellow and white chickens. This is a raising trend with an increase of 15% over last year.
We here at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd are simple ashamed of this trend. The way that we have not opened our observations to chickens of other colors.
From this point forward, (tears beginning to flow)… ‘sniff’… With our apologies, we will be directly applying our observations with an emphasis on remembering to include all breeds, not just yellow and white chickens.
It is our thoughts that this will make our reader more comfortable with what we say and show. Additionally, we believe this will also hopefully keep the left leaning liberals and their warriors in Antifa from attacking our business offices.
We will make every attempt not to exclude other lessor breeds, genders, broods, color patterns and sizes. Roosters or hens.
Thank you, my fellow readers.
Don’t worry, New Jersey. Chainsaw Chicken is here. I’ll find out what these mysterious drones are up to.
I needed to get to my little secret. When I arrived at the plane hangers of our terminal at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. I went in the back and drug out the last flying example of the famous Hiller VZ-1 Pawnee flying platform.
I ‘found’ it back of the storage hanger in 1964 when Fairchild Aircraft bought out Heller. We purchased this hanger at an auction once the acquisitions was completed. We wanted the hanger in order to store our future projects.
I filled up the reserve with Hydrogen Peroxide that I robbed from Mrs. Chicken’s hair products. The second tank I attached to an old chemical fire extinguisher. Then I lit the match.
I ascended to about 600 feet and started cruising around. I bet it wasn’t 15 mins when I spotted the whole fleet. They were circling the 10th hole at Trump’s Betminster Golf Club.
I leaned my flying platform over and headed for the ...
We had a Christmas party this year at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. Everyone had a great time. We had a White Elephant gift exchange. Every time someone exchanged a gift, we all had to take a drink. Soon, the room reeked of Egg Nog and Spiced Rum mixed with some Mountain Dew.
I have to agree, that I was into my cheer a little too much.
As my Porcelain addiction began to become obvious with my head deep into the bowl, I started thinking of all the names there are for what I was spewing into the toilet.
Sure, there’s vomiting.. and spewing as I said before…
Then there’s barfing, puking, regurgitating… Let me grab another slice of anchovy pizza as I think of more.
Ralphing, upchucking, spit up… damn that pizza goes down easy, I’ll grab another slice.
Mmmmmm… Let’s see, there’s blowing, hurling and heaving, and tossing one’s cookies and expelling.
Oh wow, one slice left… there’s retching and gagging too…
Oh boy, that last piece must of had a bad ...
After almost a year since its launch, I have been asking ChapGPT “Who is Chainsaw Chicken?”
It would answer with garbage about no information is available on anyone with that name, blah, blah, blah.
Suddenly, when I routinely asked it again, I was surprised to see this response.
“Yes, the content on Adventures of Chainsaw Chicken can be described as absurd due to its surreal humor and playful narrative style. The stories often combine unexpected elements and whimsical characters, creating a unique blend of comedy and satire. This approach invites readers to think critically about everyday concepts through a humorous lens.”
I guess I am honored. But ‘absurd’???
