https://chainsawchicken.com/2021/11/02/an-open-apology/
Hello everyone. I’m Chainsaw Chicken. Thank you all for tuning in and connecting to this message. It is my hope that the tens of thousands of you that see this message will understand and appreciate this open apology I wish to make.
Everyone here at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd, all the IT people, the advertising staff, the development people, the administrative staff, make-up and costume artists, the publicists, the executive staff all the way down to the janitorial people all believe that we are emerging into a new cultural and sociological awakening here as well as through out the country and the world.
The upper management and especially myself have wondered how we might better join in this brave new world of wokeness and awareness to better exemplify, and more importantly apply these concerns to Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd.
We took a long look at past postings and realized a fact we had not been aware of. This fact was later brought to our attention after complaints to the HR department. It became obvious that we needed to change things.
We brought in outside advisors and their conclusions matched what others have pointed out. Here now are the results of the study.
We learned that 87% of the sarcasm and 67% of the cynicism of our web site is directed directly or indirectly towards yellow and white chickens. This is a raising trend with an increase of 15% over last year.
We here at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd are simple ashamed of this trend. The way that we have not opened our observations to chickens of other colors.
From this point forward, (tears beginning to flow)… ‘sniff’… With our apologies, we will be directly applying our observations with an emphasis on remembering to include all breeds, not just yellow and white chickens.
It is our thoughts that this will make our reader more comfortable with what we say and show. Additionally, we believe this will also hopefully keep the left leaning liberals and their warriors in Antifa from attacking our business offices.
We will make every attempt not to exclude other lessor breeds, genders, broods, color patterns and sizes. Roosters or hens.
Thank you, my fellow readers.
I was just leisurely walking around my neighborhood.
“What a wonderful day,” I said out loud, enjoying the warm spring sunshine as it warmed my beak.
As I passed the house of the neighbor I don’t get along with—the one who lets his many cats roam freely—I glanced at the kids’ sandbox.
To my surprise, the usual “kitty biscuits” (the kind cats leave behind) seemed to be arranged in a message. The closer I got, the clearer it became. What a strangely artistic formation of… ah… cat turds. Then it hit me—I could read what it said! At first, I thought it was just a political statement expressing someone’s opinion… until I saw my logo decal!
I took a picture, intending to post it on social media. But given the recent “stink” over a similar (and equally innocent) incident, I decided to share it only with my loyal followers.
Before leaving, I mixed up the bio-deposits, leaving them in the sand so the kids could play undisturbed.
I wonder… did my neighbor ...
Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd had thrown in a last minute bid to acquire the platform called #TicTok and make it a totally domestic. His entry has thrown the high-tech world into a panic,
#Tim Cook from Apple Inc. “Who is this Chainsaw guy?” Others like #Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook/Meta stated, “I don’t find much about him on Google why not?” Then, the director from #Google, #Sundar Pichai, was informed that Google had been restricting this Chainsaw guy, blocking results, keeping him pushed into the shadows”.
“How much money does this guy have?” questioned another media oligarch, #Jeff Bezos.
An aid answered with “I heard that he owns the patent on many of the items used by companies with products and items people use everyday”.
“Schedule a lunch with this guy” said #Musk. “I want to get to know him better”.
Don’t worry, New Jersey. Chainsaw Chicken is here. I’ll find out what these mysterious drones are up to.
I needed to get to my little secret. When I arrived at the plane hangers of our terminal at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. I went in the back and drug out the last flying example of the famous Hiller VZ-1 Pawnee flying platform.
I ‘found’ it back of the storage hanger in 1964 when Fairchild Aircraft bought out Heller. We purchased this hanger at an auction once the acquisitions was completed. We wanted the hanger in order to store our future projects.
I filled up the reserve with Hydrogen Peroxide that I robbed from Mrs. Chicken’s hair products. The second tank I attached to an old chemical fire extinguisher. Then I lit the match.
I ascended to about 600 feet and started cruising around. I bet it wasn’t 15 mins when I spotted the whole fleet. They were circling the 10th hole at Trump’s Betminster Golf Club.
I leaned my flying platform over and headed for the ...
