“Good morning… Mr…uhhh… Chicken. What brings you in today?” questioned the ‘on call’ doctor .
“Well Doc,” Chainsaw began to speak as he rested on the paper covered exam table. “It’s like this. For the last several days I have been feeling like my gizzard in out of whack. It’s not working as it should.”
“Gizzard!” exclaimed the doctor. “Your gizzard has been troubling you?”
“Oh yes, Doc!” proclaimed Chainsaw. Think you might have some notion of what might be going on with me?”
The doctor starred at Chainsaw for an extra moment , took a deep breath as if he was tired and needed a boost of energy, then began. “As I see it you have a few other issues going on besides your gizzard.”
He continued. “How long have you been feeling… uhhhh… thinking…. uhhhh… that you are a chicken?
Puzzled, Chainsaw calmly addressed the doctors curious question. “As long as I can remember, Doc. You’ve never treated me. Do you know Dr. DeBakie Chicken? He’s my usual doctor. I’ve been seeing him for years.”
“Oh I’ve seen him in the staff meetings. But I am concerned about you” the doctor continued sincerely.
Chainsaw interjected “I think my gizzard has got the Covid. Can you give me something to cure it?”
The doctor answered abruptly. “You don’t have a gizzard“…
“What? Sure I do” stated Chainsaw.
The doctor continued” Furthermore, I think I will give you a referral to see another doctor friend of mine at the sanitarium, I mean the building across the street.”
“Oh doc, can you just give me some Hydroxy-what cha call it?” asked Chainsaw.
“No” answered the doctor.
“Ivermectin?” Chainsaw muttered?
“No” the doctor stated flatly.
“Remdesivir… Monoclonal Antibody’s?” Chainsaw bounced back words like it was a game of ping-pong.
The doctor turned, picked up a phone, pressed a call button. When someone answered be calmly said “I need you and two other people, yeah the big guys, to come to exam room 3 and help my patient across the street to the ‘clinic’ that might better help him”.
Don’t worry, New Jersey. Chainsaw Chicken is here. I’ll find out what these mysterious drones are up to.
I needed to get to my little secret. When I arrived at the plane hangers of our terminal at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. I went in the back and drug out the last flying example of the famous Hiller VZ-1 Pawnee flying platform.
I ‘found’ it back of the storage hanger in 1964 when Fairchild Aircraft bought out Heller. We purchased this hanger at an auction once the acquisitions was completed. We wanted the hanger in order to store our future projects.
I filled up the reserve with Hydrogen Peroxide that I robbed from Mrs. Chicken’s hair products. The second tank I attached to an old chemical fire extinguisher. Then I lit the match.
I ascended to about 600 feet and started cruising around. I bet it wasn’t 15 mins when I spotted the whole fleet. They were circling the 10th hole at Trump’s Betminster Golf Club.
I leaned my flying platform over and headed for the ...
We had a Christmas party this year at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. Everyone had a great time. We had a White Elephant gift exchange. Every time someone exchanged a gift, we all had to take a drink. Soon, the room reeked of Egg Nog and Spiced Rum mixed with some Mountain Dew.
I have to agree, that I was into my cheer a little too much.
As my Porcelain addiction began to become obvious with my head deep into the bowl, I started thinking of all the names there are for what I was spewing into the toilet.
Sure, there’s vomiting.. and spewing as I said before…
Then there’s barfing, puking, regurgitating… Let me grab another slice of anchovy pizza as I think of more.
Ralphing, upchucking, spit up… damn that pizza goes down easy, I’ll grab another slice.
Mmmmmm… Let’s see, there’s blowing, hurling and heaving, and tossing one’s cookies and expelling.
Oh wow, one slice left… there’s retching and gagging too…
Oh boy, that last piece must of had a bad ...
After almost a year since its launch, I have been asking ChapGPT “Who is Chainsaw Chicken?”
It would answer with garbage about no information is available on anyone with that name, blah, blah, blah.
Suddenly, when I routinely asked it again, I was surprised to see this response.
“Yes, the content on Adventures of Chainsaw Chicken can be described as absurd due to its surreal humor and playful narrative style. The stories often combine unexpected elements and whimsical characters, creating a unique blend of comedy and satire. This approach invites readers to think critically about everyday concepts through a humorous lens.”
I guess I am honored. But ‘absurd’???
