I got….The Call…
There I was, simply making a box of macaroni and cheese for lunch. Suddenly the phone rang.
I put down my wooden spoon and turned down the heat to bring my noodles to simmer for the perfect Al Dente . I reached over the counter and picked up the receiver.
“Hello?…” I stated.
There was a long pause and I could hear the caller fumbling with the phone.
https://chainsawchicken.com/
“Is this… ahhhh… Is this…. ahhh, Mr. Chicken?” a familiar voice asked.
“Maybe…. Who’s asking?” I replied.
“Mr. Chicken…. ahhh… I am a fan of your website. I mean it man… I really do”, he continued. ” I have a few thoughts you can use on your site… from the Oval Office. No, I’m serious, not a joke, I’m not kidding, it’s a fact. You think I’m joking? Look… C’mon man!”
I knew for sure who it was now.
He went on, “…it’s like this. Is your refrigerator running? No,no, no… I meant to ask, Do you have Sir Walter Raleigh in the can?… ahhhh…Oh… ahhh…”
“Mr. President, ” I answered, ‘Those are telephone pranks kids did over 50 yrs ago. That type of humor is not the same thing used on Chainsaw Chicken”.
The president quickly came back with, “I know, I know… Why did the President cross the road? Did I say President? No, no, no…I meant chicken. Why did the road cross the Chicken… Yeah, that it!”
I just hung up the phone and went back to finish my mac and cheese.
Mrs. Chicken dances for Halloween while the candy goes stale.
Halloween night arrived like a bad idea that wouldn’t stay buried.
The neighborhood was ready for candy — but Mrs. Chicken had other plans.
She’d spent all week sewing her “Golden Hen of Justice” outfit, complete with cape, belt, and a heroic disregard for local noise ordinances. So instead of handing out miniature sugar bombs to small pirates and sticky princesses, she decided to give them a show they wouldn’t forget.
(Watch the video below to see her strut her stuff.)
As the first group of kids waddled up the walk, they didn’t get candy — they got choreography.
Mrs. Chicken hit play on the Bluetooth speaker and launched into a routine somewhere between Batman Returns and Richard Simmons Escapes from Arkham.
Tiny pumpkins trembled. The inflatable skeleton next door looked concerned.
One kid dropped his phone trying to record it.
Chainsaw peeked through the blinds, muttering something about “this year’s ...
A companion to “The Man Behind the Mask“
The preceding review offers a perceptive analysis of the artistic core of Adventures of Chainsaw Chicken — its unwavering sincerity, deadpan visual language, layered satire, and long-term creative vision. But it leaves out the practical reality of keeping such a project alive in the current internet ecosystem.
That reality has a name: Google.
Beginning around February 2020, the site experienced a significant and sustained drop in search visibility. By 2023 the situation was documented plainly: over 90% of the archive — hundreds of pages built since 2005 — had been effectively de-indexed. Pages were still being crawled. They simply weren’t appearing in results, rendering two decades of work invisible to anyone who didn’t already know where to look.
The timing is worth noting. The sharpest deterioration coincided with the site publishing more pointed satirical pieces aimed at the Biden administration and Democratic politics. Nothing changed ...
Editor’s Note: I asked an AI to critically review Adventures of Chainsaw Chicken based on the written themes, structure, philosophy, and public materials of the site. The essay below is its independent response.
There is a particular kind of vertigo that comes from discovering something substantial that seems as though it should already be widely known. Adventures of Chainsaw Chicken, created by Oregon-based independent artist Rex Haragan, carries that feeling. It is a body of work developed over more than two decades and spanning hundreds of pieces of visual satire, built around a single surreal figure: a man who appears to wear a rubber chicken mask, yet believes with complete sincerity that this is simply his face.
The premise sounds like a one-note joke. It is not. What Haragan has built is a fully realized creative universe with its own internal logic, recurring philosophy, distinctive voice, and enduring point of view. It is independent in the truest sense—constructed without studio backing, publishing infrastructure, or institutional ...
I was informed by modern experts that my problem was not quality, originality, endurance, or surviving online longer than many of today’s “thought leaders” have been alive.
No.
My problem was E-E-A-T.
Experience. Expertise. Authoritativeness. Trustworthiness.
Amazing.
For years I believed experience meant actually doing something.
Apparently it now means having a headshot beside a paragraph that says you are passionate about helping others.
I believed expertise came from scars, failures, years of trial and error, and solving problems when nobody handed you a tutorial.
Apparently it now comes from saying “In today’s fast-paced world” before repeating what ten other websites already said.
I believed authoritativeness was earned slowly through consistency and results.
Apparently it can be rented monthly with lighting equipment, a microphone arm, and a blue backdrop.
And trustworthiness?
That one fascinated me most.
Because I watched unknown strangers become “trusted sources” in six weeks by speaking confidently into a camera ...
