Our web professionals here at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd have been diving deep into why so many can not enjoy our feature site. Well, after careful, rigorous examination of our meta data and statistical analysis, we have found that Google has purposely blocked, non-indexed or excluded over 90% of ChainsawChicken.com
“Non-sense”, expounded Chainsaw. “We’ve been on the web since 2005!”
When we use the required Google Search Console needed to view their own results, it is more than dramatic. Right before our eyes!
It seems that of the hundreds of pages on our site, only 97 of those pages are indexed. Indexing means that the words, titles, tags,… even the photos and their title are available or listed an any search someone might make. Non-indexing means that they simply don’t exist in the Google Universe, which they maintain is omniscient.
And because other search engines generally rely on Google results, we are not there as well. Not in Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Neeva, Gibiru and even Bing.
Yup! I must have hit a nerve or at least a tender spot and pissed off someone.
So we do what any reasonable, trusting, obedient site owner would do. We try to play the game. We requested that Google’s bots and robots review our request to be reindexed and be included in any search requests that it might appear. Mind you, we are limited to submitting only ten page links a day and they have to be done one at a time while being challenged repeatedly with validator squares requiring you to pick out the fire hydrants, traffic lights and so on. All very time consuming.
But, each time we made requests, even MORE pages were not indexed! Here is just the last few times, seen below.
Once we reviewed all the failures we tested each and every web page against Google’s own ‘tester’ to make sure that there wasn’t an error in coding. Low and behold… every single page tested approved and were resubmitted, again, at ten in a day.
Yet they are still shown as Discovered or Crawled yet not listed!
One of our senior tech programmers pointed out that we are premium members of the most qualified and trusted SEO provider available, called Yoast. They are based in Northern Europe. After a week of back and forth emails posing questions and answering issues, their final statement was…
"I performed some tests to verify that all was ok.
I performed a "site:https://chainsawchicken.com/" search, and we found that it is being indexed by Google: About 136 results (0.23 seconds).
I checked the site in the Mobile-Friendly Testand got a good result. If Google can run the mobile-friendly test for the domain, Google can also spider the domain.
Your sitemap is output as we expected.
All the Yoast Schema markups are shown as we expected (see the attached image).
We haven't found any Schema error inspecting your site with the Schema Validator tool.
Your site is eligible for rich results, as confirmed by the Rich Result Test tool here.
So, nothing prevents your site from being indexed and ranking well. I also had a look at some of the links and I do not see why the URLs are not indexed. "
Timing my be the issue. Let’s see… Hmmmmm…It appears that the vast majority of the “missing links” it appear to generally happen after February 2020. What happened then?
Covid? It was already going. So what else?… Let me think… “Look man! I’m not kidding!”
I was just leisurely walking around my neighborhood.
“What a wonderful day,” I said out loud, enjoying the warm spring sunshine as it warmed my beak.
As I passed the house of the neighbor I don’t get along with—the one who lets his many cats roam freely—I glanced at the kids’ sandbox.
To my surprise, the usual “kitty biscuits” (the kind cats leave behind) seemed to be arranged in a message. The closer I got, the clearer it became. What a strangely artistic formation of… ah… cat turds. Then it hit me—I could read what it said! At first, I thought it was just a political statement expressing someone’s opinion… until I saw my logo decal!
I took a picture, intending to post it on social media. But given the recent “stink” over a similar (and equally innocent) incident, I decided to share it only with my loyal followers.
Before leaving, I mixed up the bio-deposits, leaving them in the sand so the kids could play undisturbed.
I wonder… did my neighbor ...
Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd had thrown in a last minute bid to acquire the platform called #TicTok and make it a totally domestic. His entry has thrown the high-tech world into a panic,
#Tim Cook from Apple Inc. “Who is this Chainsaw guy?” Others like #Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook/Meta stated, “I don’t find much about him on Google why not?” Then, the director from #Google, #Sundar Pichai, was informed that Google had been restricting this Chainsaw guy, blocking results, keeping him pushed into the shadows”.
“How much money does this guy have?” questioned another media oligarch, #Jeff Bezos.
An aid answered with “I heard that he owns the patent on many of the items used by companies with products and items people use everyday”.
“Schedule a lunch with this guy” said #Musk. “I want to get to know him better”.
Don’t worry, New Jersey. Chainsaw Chicken is here. I’ll find out what these mysterious drones are up to.
I needed to get to my little secret. When I arrived at the plane hangers of our terminal at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. I went in the back and drug out the last flying example of the famous Hiller VZ-1 Pawnee flying platform.
I ‘found’ it back of the storage hanger in 1964 when Fairchild Aircraft bought out Heller. We purchased this hanger at an auction once the acquisitions was completed. We wanted the hanger in order to store our future projects.
I filled up the reserve with Hydrogen Peroxide that I robbed from Mrs. Chicken’s hair products. The second tank I attached to an old chemical fire extinguisher. Then I lit the match.
I ascended to about 600 feet and started cruising around. I bet it wasn’t 15 mins when I spotted the whole fleet. They were circling the 10th hole at Trump’s Betminster Golf Club.
I leaned my flying platform over and headed for the ...
